It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life, when I write about the magic, the mayhem and how to create or avoid them. This morning I’m sharing some advice out of my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now?, that is guaranteed, gasp! - yes, I said guaranteed - to help you avoid the mayhem if you follow it.
Don’t harp on silly stuff.
Yes it really is that simple. Who cares if the toilet seat is up or down, or if the cap is on the toothpaste? Get a grip, or your own toothpaste, and let the gripe go!
It’s so cliché to even address some of these stereotypical gripes, so I’ll be really brief. Life is too short to give the toilet seat so much of your precious time. Once you get into your marriage, you’ll realize that there are bigger fish to fry, hills to climb, battles to pick (since I’m being cliché, why not go there?), and that it really doesn’t make much difference if he lowers the toilet seat or not. The following is probably the simplest piece of advice that I can give: if you go to use the bathroom and he left the toilet seat up…put it down.
It used to drive me crazy when Husband would come home from work, step out of his pants, and leave them on the floor of our walk-in closet. I just knew it was the end of the free world. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell him to pick his pants up without sounding like a nag. Then I stopped thinking about me, me, me and I put myself in his shoes, or in this case his pants. OK, but seriously, I thought about how he might feel. Maybe it would drive him crazy that he can’t step out of his pants and leave them on the floor. After all, it is his closet, too. His house, too. If he can’t leave his pants on the floor of his closet in his house, where else could he possibly have the freedom to leave them?
After thinking about it like that, his pants on the floor suddenly didn’t seem so serious. Most of the time, I don’t even notice his pants anymore. If I see them on the floor and feel the need, I pick them up and drop them in the hamper. If not, after a day or two – amazingly, he picks them up himself.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Showing posts with label Matrimony Mayhem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matrimony Mayhem. Show all posts
Monday, August 11, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Man Rules Part II
Last Monday, I posted Part 1 of The Man Rules… here’s Part II:
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Monday, July 7, 2008
Newlywed Syndrome #5 - Wedding Withdrawal
It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life, and this week we’re tackling wedding withdrawal, a syndrome that catches most brides by surprise and with their guard – and their dresses – down.
I’m no exception. I didn’t expect to have wedding withdrawal either. I was thrilled that my wedding day seemed flawless. It turned out one hundred times better than I imagined. Then I spent a week relaxing at a luxurious five-star hotel on the beach in Mexico with my new husband rubbing suntan oil all over my bronzed body. Yup, married life was looking and feeling pretty good at that point, until I got home and … wham!... wedding withdrawal came crashing out of nowhere like a big blue tidal wave and wiped out my picture-perfect fantasy.
What is wedding withdrawal? It’s when you miss the excitement, anticipation, craziness and stress of planning your wedding. You’ve lived and breathed your wedding for probably most of your life – or at least the past six months. It’s only natural to miss this. Wedding withdrawal can happen to the compulsive organizer or the carefree planner. Whether you had a five-course meal with 300 guests or an intimate dinner with immediate family and friends, planning your wedding can be as taxing as having a second full-time job.
Your wedding consumes so much of your mind and your time then all of the sudden in one day you’re done. It’s over. Your wedding day has come and gone. No more appointments wit the caterer. No more flowers to choose or pretty silk ribbons to tie around tiny bottles of bubbles. No more fantasizing about what your wedding day will be like, and the hardest part of wedding withdrawal: nothing for you to do.
But, that’s not entirely true, you do have things to do – lots of things to do – it just feels like you don’t. And truthfully, the post-wedding wrap up is not nearly as exciting as planning the wedding. There’s a void that comes after you’ve spent several months of your life living and breathing your wedding. You would think that any sane person would welcome wedding withdrawal and a much-needed break, but no, that would be too easy and not a likely thing for a new bride to do.
OK, so the fact is that most of us go through some sort of wedding planning withdrawal – whether it’s missing the excitement of attending your first bridal expo, or the joy of thumbing through stacks of bridal magazines, or some other aspect of planning the biggest event of your life. And, let’s be honest, many of us miss truly being the center of attention. It’s the one day in your life when everything is all about you! Missing that is normal as long as you keep it in perspective.
Pay attention to your feelings, talk about them with your husband, and then let them go. You have something new and exciting to focus on now – your marriage! Sometimes it’s easy to forget this, but that’s really what the wedding is all about, not the music, nor the flowers, nor the delicious little crab-cake hors d’oeuvres. You are entering a very impressionable time in your marriage – the beginning – and you don’t want to start it off on the wrong foot, especially a selfish one!
And, don’t expect your husband to completely understand what you’re going through. Wedding withdrawal is not a man thing. In fact, he’s probably happy to have the love of his life back, and to lose the chart-seating maniac he just married.
If you’re having trouble letting go, curl up with your husband and relive the day by watching your wedding video. Now is also the perfect time to knock out those “thank you” notes, get your dressed cleaned, and do some paperwork! Besides, handling the after-wedding wrap-up tasks can help ease the pain of the wedding withdrawal blues. They will pass before you know it. Think of it as a transition period to ease you gradually out of your intense and sometimes neurotic planning mode into the exciting and eventful world of marriage.
And remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
I’m no exception. I didn’t expect to have wedding withdrawal either. I was thrilled that my wedding day seemed flawless. It turned out one hundred times better than I imagined. Then I spent a week relaxing at a luxurious five-star hotel on the beach in Mexico with my new husband rubbing suntan oil all over my bronzed body. Yup, married life was looking and feeling pretty good at that point, until I got home and … wham!... wedding withdrawal came crashing out of nowhere like a big blue tidal wave and wiped out my picture-perfect fantasy.
What is wedding withdrawal? It’s when you miss the excitement, anticipation, craziness and stress of planning your wedding. You’ve lived and breathed your wedding for probably most of your life – or at least the past six months. It’s only natural to miss this. Wedding withdrawal can happen to the compulsive organizer or the carefree planner. Whether you had a five-course meal with 300 guests or an intimate dinner with immediate family and friends, planning your wedding can be as taxing as having a second full-time job.
Your wedding consumes so much of your mind and your time then all of the sudden in one day you’re done. It’s over. Your wedding day has come and gone. No more appointments wit the caterer. No more flowers to choose or pretty silk ribbons to tie around tiny bottles of bubbles. No more fantasizing about what your wedding day will be like, and the hardest part of wedding withdrawal: nothing for you to do.
But, that’s not entirely true, you do have things to do – lots of things to do – it just feels like you don’t. And truthfully, the post-wedding wrap up is not nearly as exciting as planning the wedding. There’s a void that comes after you’ve spent several months of your life living and breathing your wedding. You would think that any sane person would welcome wedding withdrawal and a much-needed break, but no, that would be too easy and not a likely thing for a new bride to do.
OK, so the fact is that most of us go through some sort of wedding planning withdrawal – whether it’s missing the excitement of attending your first bridal expo, or the joy of thumbing through stacks of bridal magazines, or some other aspect of planning the biggest event of your life. And, let’s be honest, many of us miss truly being the center of attention. It’s the one day in your life when everything is all about you! Missing that is normal as long as you keep it in perspective.
Pay attention to your feelings, talk about them with your husband, and then let them go. You have something new and exciting to focus on now – your marriage! Sometimes it’s easy to forget this, but that’s really what the wedding is all about, not the music, nor the flowers, nor the delicious little crab-cake hors d’oeuvres. You are entering a very impressionable time in your marriage – the beginning – and you don’t want to start it off on the wrong foot, especially a selfish one!
And, don’t expect your husband to completely understand what you’re going through. Wedding withdrawal is not a man thing. In fact, he’s probably happy to have the love of his life back, and to lose the chart-seating maniac he just married.
If you’re having trouble letting go, curl up with your husband and relive the day by watching your wedding video. Now is also the perfect time to knock out those “thank you” notes, get your dressed cleaned, and do some paperwork! Besides, handling the after-wedding wrap-up tasks can help ease the pain of the wedding withdrawal blues. They will pass before you know it. Think of it as a transition period to ease you gradually out of your intense and sometimes neurotic planning mode into the exciting and eventful world of marriage.
And remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Monday, June 30, 2008
Marriage Mondays
Matrimony Magic or Matrimony Mayhem? The first year – and those after, too – are often filled with magic or mayhem. Yes, there is Matrimony Mediocrity, too, but it’s normally the magical moments or the mayhem that we tend to remember the most.
So, with that said Mondays will be dedicated to those magical moments (like the first time he introduced you as his wife or the first time you sat in the middle of your new house that you share with your new husband and you thought to yourself gleefully, “I’m married now, isn’t this great?”); or... those not so magical moments (like when you can’t agree peacefully whose favorite couch you’re going to keep or you sat in the middle of your new house that you share with your new husband and you thought to yourself fearfully, “I’m married now, how did I get here?”).
I guarantee you will probably think both of those things several times through out the course of your first year… and beyond. But, not to worry, it doesn’t mean that you’re uncertain, or that you made a mistake. Being nervous about being a new wife is perfectly normally and more common than most new brides care to admit.
Marriage Mondays will highlight some of those ups and downs and offer some do’s and don’ts to help you get through them without having a panic attack. If you have a magical or mayhem moment that you’d like to share, please leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at questions@askwifey.com.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
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