Don’t Harp on Silly Stuff

It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life, when I write about the magic, the mayhem and how to create or avoid them. This morning I’m sharing some advice out of my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now?, that is guaranteed, gasp! - yes, I said guaranteed - to help you avoid the mayhem if you follow it.

Don’t harp on silly stuff.

Yes it really is that simple. Who cares if the toilet seat is up or down, or if the cap is on the toothpaste? Get a grip, or your own toothpaste, and let the gripe go!

It’s so cliché to even address some of these stereotypical gripes, so I’ll be really brief. Life is too short to give the toilet seat so much of your precious time. Once you get into your marriage, you’ll realize that there are bigger fish to fry, hills to climb, battles to pick (since I’m being cliché, why not go there?), and that it really doesn’t make much difference if he lowers the toilet seat or not. The following is probably the simplest piece of advice that I can give: if you go to use the bathroom and he left the toilet seat up…put it down.

It used to drive me crazy when Husband would come home from work, step out of his pants, and leave them on the floor of our walk-in closet. I just knew it was the end of the free world. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell him to pick his pants up without sounding like a nag. Then I stopped thinking about me, me, me and I put myself in his shoes, or in this case his pants. OK, but seriously, I thought about how he might feel. Maybe it would drive him crazy that he can’t step out of his pants and leave them on the floor. After all, it is his closet, too. His house, too. If he can’t leave his pants on the floor of his closet in his house, where else could he possibly have the freedom to leave them?

After thinking about it like that, his pants on the floor suddenly didn’t seem so serious. Most of the time, I don’t even notice his pants anymore. If I see them on the floor and feel the need, I pick them up and drop them in the hamper. If not, after a day or two – amazingly, he picks them up himself.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Is Erotica Still Taboo?

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Several months ago I wrote this post about women watching porn and the stigma that goes with it. It stemmed from an article that I read in O, The Oprah Magazine. Well, good old Oprah is inspiring me again, this time from her television show, specifically the one she aired on Monday about sex.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Don’t Take Your Husband For Granted

You’ve got him now. Your husband, plus a sparkly new ring, his last name and the image of him tearfully pledging his undying love for you on a nicely packaged DVD that you can watch over and over with the simple click of a button. In addition, knowing that you two are bound together for the rest of your lives should be comforting. But don’t cross the line from being comfortable to being complacent.

Just because you signed a marriage license, it doesn’t give you license to take him for granted. When you live together day in and day out, it’s very easy to get used to some of the things your husband may do for you. To expect him to do things and become unappreciative as though he has to do them can be extremely detrimental to your marriage.

There’s no law saying that your husband has to call you if he is going to be home late from work. Should he? Yes, but does he have to? No. Your husband did not vow to put air in your ties when they are low or pledge to be the resident bug killer, but chances are he does these things anyway. They might seem small and easy to overlook, but they are some of the best perks about having a husband and living together.

Next time your husband takes your car and comes back with an oil change, stop and appreciate it. Whatever nice thing your husband may do, acknowledge it by thanking him and recognize how sweet it is.

Remember when you two were dating and he went that extra mile? It gave you that warm and fuzzy feeling when he sent flowers, planned surprise dinners or gave you that special gift. I’m not going to lie; very few husbands keep these things up on a regular basis. Flowers start to come less frequently – on Valentine’s Day, your birthday or if he’s really in the doghouse. Surprises might dwindle, too, and the special gifts… well, those come in different packages. Instead of the Tiffany charm bracelet, you get your computer software updated. Or your car washed and waxed after a rainy day. Or even better, you have a shoulder to cuddle up on after a heart-tugging episode of Law and Order. These may be your warm and fuzzy moments now. Appreciate whatever special little things your husband does to take care of you and know that it’s one of the many ways he may show his love for you.

And remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Plastic Surgery in Private Places

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Did you know that you can get plastic surgery done on your vajayjay? Breasts, lips, hips even butts, but I had no idea that upgrades were available for your vagina, too.

I personally am not a big fan of plastic surgery (although I never say never) nor am I advocating for anybody to get some, but I am truly fascinated that there are procedures for your private area and felt the need to share my discovery with you.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

The Man Rules Part II

Last Monday, I posted Part 1 of The Man Rules… here’s Part II:

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Just Do It! Making More Sex, More Often

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. I finally just did it – read Just Do It, How One Couple Turned off the TV and Turned on Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Douglas Brown.

While younger newlyweds might not be as challenged in this area, there are more and more people getting married at a mature age, and after living together for many years. Thinking that sex is not an issue for newlyweds is not realistic, they can use just as much ammunition in this area as the rest of us – for now or for the future. So, I invite you over to Wifey’s House for a little sex chat. Oh you know you want to… come on by.

The Man Rules Part 1

Husband sent me “The Man Rules” awhile ago and I just have to share. I don’t know where they originated from but they are funny as hell. Some will make you laugh, some might piss you off and some might seem painfully true. The more you learn and take heed to your husband’s own “Man Rules” the more you will avoid mayhem in your marriage.

There are several of them so I’m breaking them up into two parts. Enjoy Part 1:

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

To be continued ...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey