Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Plastic Surgery in Private Places

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Did you know that you can get plastic surgery done on your vajayjay? Breasts, lips, hips even butts, but I had no idea that upgrades were available for your vagina, too.

I personally am not a big fan of plastic surgery (although I never say never) nor am I advocating for anybody to get some, but I am truly fascinated that there are procedures for your private area and felt the need to share my discovery with you.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Monday, July 28, 2008

The Man Rules Part II

Last Monday, I posted Part 1 of The Man Rules… here’s Part II:

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Just Do It! Making More Sex, More Often

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. I finally just did it – read Just Do It, How One Couple Turned off the TV and Turned on Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Douglas Brown.

While younger newlyweds might not be as challenged in this area, there are more and more people getting married at a mature age, and after living together for many years. Thinking that sex is not an issue for newlyweds is not realistic, they can use just as much ammunition in this area as the rest of us – for now or for the future. So, I invite you over to Wifey’s House for a little sex chat. Oh you know you want to… come on by.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Man Rules Part 1

Husband sent me “The Man Rules” awhile ago and I just have to share. I don’t know where they originated from but they are funny as hell. Some will make you laugh, some might piss you off and some might seem painfully true. The more you learn and take heed to your husband’s own “Man Rules” the more you will avoid mayhem in your marriage.

There are several of them so I’m breaking them up into two parts. Enjoy Part 1:

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

To be continued ...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Friday, July 18, 2008

Irony is a B*tch!

I’m in San Francisco at the BlogHer ’08 conference … and am too tied up to blog. Isn’t that a bitch?

Gone to BlogHer 08

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Sex Site Suzy Homemaker Style...

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. This week I stumbled across a great website that I have to share – mypleasure.com.

Have you ever been surfing the net and purposely, or not, ahem, come across a sex site that is too overbearing, crass and offensive? While some people might be drawn to explicit entertainment, there are many interested in sex that don’t want to be bombarded with graphic images, loud music or gidgets and gadgets that we have no idea how to use. If you fall in the first category there’s already plenty on the web to satisfy your needs, but if you like a less intimidating, but not watered-down approach mypleasure.com is the site for you.

“At MyPleasure, we're dedicated to providing the finest adult toy shopping experience possible. We don't use pornographic images or cheap marketing tactics to make money; we try to appeal to a broad, upscale and mainstream audience by offering only the highest-quality products in a clean, comfortable and elegant online shopping environment.”

And they really do. If it wasn’t for a small, unassuming picture of a silver vibrator on the page, you might think you were shopping on Bed, Bath and Beyond or some other home décor retailer. But, what really makes this site great is all of the extras it provides. Everything from sex tips, articles, Q&A’s, games and quizzes, and my favorite, gasp, the education section. They’ve got a sex glossary, a sex toy dictionary and a thorough sex toy guide for those of us who don’t know the difference between slimline vibrators and personal massagers. I mean really, who knew they offer waterproof “vibes?”

While I have yet to buy anything from the site, ahem, I feel a shopping spree coming soon; I did read their shipping and refund policies which made me feel comfortable and confident in their delivery. Even if you’re not interested in purchasing anything, the extras on the site are still worth a look.

So, don’t worry about turning your volume down or an over made up girl and her exposed triple D’s popping up to ask you if you like to have a good time; you can check mypleasure.com out discreetly or… leave it open on your computer for your husband to sneak a peek.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Monday, July 14, 2008

What’s the Best Thing that Happened to You During Your First Year of Marriage?

That’s a question I asked and included in the “Wives’ Words” section of my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now? Answers varied from “We became better friends,” to “We got to make love whenever we wanted to and a whole lot,” to “I realized my husband loved me and was trying as hard as I was to learn how to be a good mate.”

There’s no right or wrong answer – as long as you have one. Just like planning your wedding, planning the rest of your life can be stressful and consuming. Your newlywed year is flying by and you don’t want to miss the wonderful “first times” that come with your first year. Do you remember the first time your husband introduced you as his wife? Or, the first time someone called you “Mrs. So & So?” I was in the doctor’s office and didn’t quite realize the “Mrs. Robertson” they were calling was me.

There are many magical moments that happen during your first year of marriage. Make sure to memories of them. So often it’s the drama that stands out in our minds, when it should be those special irreplaceable times.

So, how about you? What’s the best thing that’s happened to you during your first year of marriage? New wives everywhere want to know…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Friday, July 11, 2008

Playing Hooky

Forgive me. I chose to sleep in late, have breakfast overlooking the beach, and then go play tennis with Husband on his 40th birthday instead of waking up and writing a great post. This actually is a great marriage lesson, knowing when to make husband happy and when to put him first!

The family and some of our friends ran off to the beach for the weekend to celebrate my husband’s historic day. I’m off to tickle my toes in the sand and will be back in action on Monday.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

It's All About Location...

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. Last week I put you to work and suggested you clean up your bedroom, boudoir or whatever you decided to call it. This week I’ve got nerve, I’m trying to get you out of it.

When was the last time you had sex outside of your bedroom? Gasp! For those of us with kids that’s a wild and almost non-existent thought. For those of you without kids, hopefully it won’t take you too long to remember.

Come on over to Wifey's House to read more ...

Monday, July 7, 2008

Newlywed Syndrome #5 - Wedding Withdrawal

It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life, and this week we’re tackling wedding withdrawal, a syndrome that catches most brides by surprise and with their guard – and their dresses – down.

I’m no exception. I didn’t expect to have wedding withdrawal either. I was thrilled that my wedding day seemed flawless. It turned out one hundred times better than I imagined. Then I spent a week relaxing at a luxurious five-star hotel on the beach in Mexico with my new husband rubbing suntan oil all over my bronzed body. Yup, married life was looking and feeling pretty good at that point, until I got home and … wham!... wedding withdrawal came crashing out of nowhere like a big blue tidal wave and wiped out my picture-perfect fantasy.

What is wedding withdrawal? It’s when you miss the excitement, anticipation, craziness and stress of planning your wedding. You’ve lived and breathed your wedding for probably most of your life – or at least the past six months. It’s only natural to miss this. Wedding withdrawal can happen to the compulsive organizer or the carefree planner. Whether you had a five-course meal with 300 guests or an intimate dinner with immediate family and friends, planning your wedding can be as taxing as having a second full-time job.

Your wedding consumes so much of your mind and your time then all of the sudden in one day you’re done. It’s over. Your wedding day has come and gone. No more appointments wit the caterer. No more flowers to choose or pretty silk ribbons to tie around tiny bottles of bubbles. No more fantasizing about what your wedding day will be like, and the hardest part of wedding withdrawal: nothing for you to do.

But, that’s not entirely true, you do have things to do – lots of things to do – it just feels like you don’t. And truthfully, the post-wedding wrap up is not nearly as exciting as planning the wedding. There’s a void that comes after you’ve spent several months of your life living and breathing your wedding. You would think that any sane person would welcome wedding withdrawal and a much-needed break, but no, that would be too easy and not a likely thing for a new bride to do.

OK, so the fact is that most of us go through some sort of wedding planning withdrawal – whether it’s missing the excitement of attending your first bridal expo, or the joy of thumbing through stacks of bridal magazines, or some other aspect of planning the biggest event of your life. And, let’s be honest, many of us miss truly being the center of attention. It’s the one day in your life when everything is all about you! Missing that is normal as long as you keep it in perspective.

Pay attention to your feelings, talk about them with your husband, and then let them go. You have something new and exciting to focus on now – your marriage! Sometimes it’s easy to forget this, but that’s really what the wedding is all about, not the music, nor the flowers, nor the delicious little crab-cake hors d’oeuvres. You are entering a very impressionable time in your marriage – the beginning – and you don’t want to start it off on the wrong foot, especially a selfish one!

And, don’t expect your husband to completely understand what you’re going through. Wedding withdrawal is not a man thing. In fact, he’s probably happy to have the love of his life back, and to lose the chart-seating maniac he just married.

If you’re having trouble letting go, curl up with your husband and relive the day by watching your wedding video. Now is also the perfect time to knock out those “thank you” notes, get your dressed cleaned, and do some paperwork! Besides, handling the after-wedding wrap-up tasks can help ease the pain of the wedding withdrawal blues. They will pass before you know it. Think of it as a transition period to ease you gradually out of your intense and sometimes neurotic planning mode into the exciting and eventful world of marriage.

And remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out!

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Me and Husband… and Ballerina Barbie?

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. This week I have a chore for you, gasp, but it could lead to some really great sex. Clean your bedroom.

I am not trying to make extra work for you, but if your bedroom looks anything like mine, you really should consider it. There is nothing sexy about rolling over to get your groove on and Ballerina Barbie pliés you in the back. My newlyweds and kid free couples, you’re not off the hook either. How exciting is your laptop, blackberry and stack of paperwork piled ceiling-high on your nightstand; or clothes – clean or dirty – tossed around the room? Your bedroom should be an inviting place for sleep and sex; not a junk, work or playroom for the kids’ toys.

I started reading Just Do It: How One Couple Turned off the TV and Turned on Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!), by Douglas Brown, (yes, a review and challenge will be coming soon), and really took heed when they prepared their room, dubbed “The Love Den,” for their 100 day sexcapade. Call it what you want – The Love Den, Your Boudoir, The Place Where We Have Sex – but just make sure that it’s an environment that welcomes sex. Clear the clutter and replace it with candles, incense or whatever lights your fire – no pun intended. Grandma is the bomb, but do we really need a picture of her watching us while we get our freak on? Instead, replace it with a picture of the two of you; or better yet, your bedroom is the perfect place to keep your favorite wedding picture.

Take the time to create a space that’s sexy and inviting to you and I’m willing to bet you’ll feel more inclined to use it! Happy cleaning…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey