Friday, August 29, 2008

Wives’ Words, Living Together, Part 2

Real wives share their thoughts on living together…

“This can be a challenge, making yours and mine into ours. My advice would simply be to be open to change and if necessary learn to love that ugly favorite chair, painting, 49rs pillow (whatever ‘it’ may be). Set some ground rules as to what is expected as far as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. A lot of assumptions are made about who is doing what.” —Allison, married 12 years

“Being compatible helps and respectful the way any roommate should act.” —Sharon, married eight years

“Try to really be honest about who you are, and your beliefs before you move in together. It is a lot easier to deal with major differences if you don't feel like someone has done a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on you, just to get you in.” —Hope, married 14 years

“Be patient.” —Ndidi, married six years

“Your home should be a place of solitude and relaxation when you both come home from a long day's work.” —Monica, married three years

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Calling All Music Lovers...

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. This week Oprah’s got me again. For some reason her television show and magazine continue to feed me great material for Hump Day (thanks, Oprah … we should do lunch!).

I was flipping through the pages of the September issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, the shopping section to be specific - and had to stop and do a double take when I saw a picture that looked like this...

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Monday, August 25, 2008

Surviving a Sports Fanatic, Rule #202

It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life and today’s tip is in honor of the beginning of football season. If you are not a sports lover but married to one, today’s tip is for you…

Take advantage of the time that he is enjoying sports to do something special for you.

Do not focus on his behavior and spend excessive negative energy nagging, yes I said it, nagging him about sports. He’s having a good time enjoying something that he likes. Either enjoy it with him or find something that you enjoy to do, too.

Yes, you are a couple now, but you still need to nurture your individuality. It’s OK and encouraged to have some separate interests of your own. Be one with yourself. Discover a passion that is hidden in the depths of your soul. And if that’s too deep for you, grab your purse and a girlfriend and go shopping. See a movie, get a massage, go to a play, read a book, catch up on some sleep. Do something (except bitch at him) that will make you happy, too.

Winks & Smiles,

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wives’ Words: Living Together, Part 1

Real wives share their thoughts on living together…

“Whatever habits existed before the marriage will be there afterwards. Don’t expect too much change. If he was a slob the night before the ceremony he will be that same slob the next morning.” —Cheryl, married five years

“Don't project yourself onto your spouse and get mad if he doesn't do it your way (cleaning up, cooking paying bills). Work it out and figure out who likes (doesn't mind) doing what.” —Robin, married six years

“You will be exposed to habits that will annoy the hell out of you. You can nag about everything, but that will be a total drag – for you and for him! If your husband, no matter how many times you ask him, never seems to be able to put a new toilet paper roll in the bathroom, then it may be better for your sanity to just know that you’ll be the toilet paper replacer in the family.” —Nancy, married two years

“Be very careful living together is different than being married. We lived together a year before getting married and it was amazing we still did not skip the one year situations that have to be worked out. Marriage is a totally different creature.” —Rachel, married 12 years

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A Kiss is Worth 336 Hours

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. Last week I shared a few interesting facts about sex. One of them was the average person spends two weeks of their life kissing. It might sound like a lot but when you break it down it’s really not. Two weeks is 336 hours. There are 8,736 hours in one year. Let’s say you live 80 years, we’ll only count 60 since none of us were kissing anyone before we were twenty, right? Ahem, ahem. That’s 524,160 hours. A mere 336 hours doesn’t seem like much when you added it all up.

The point of that exercise was not to show off my math skills, or lack of if my numbers are wrong, it’s to bring to your attention how often you kiss your spouse.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Monday, August 18, 2008

Live, Love and Laugh

It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life and today’s tip is a simple one…

Laugh together.

It’s so easy to get caught up in life’s distractions, to stress about work, money, family and starting your new life together. At some point you have to stop, take a deep breath and just enjoy each other. Having fun and laughing together is one of the best things you can do for your marriage, still it’s so often over looked.

Today take the time to do something you enjoy with your husband and have a good laugh.

Winks & Smiles,

Friday, August 15, 2008

Wives' Words

When I'm starting something new, when I don’t know what to do or if I’m just scared to death, I always find it comforting to hear other people’s experiences. Knowing that I’m not alone, and that other people have gone through what I’m experiencing, and survived, often gives me that edge to move forward and to excel. That’s exactly why I talked to many veteran wives and included their words of wisdom in my book, "Help! I'm a Newlywed...What Do I Do Now?" I love hearing other people’s perspectives and often finding great advice in the process.

I’ve decided to share some of that here at The Newlywed Life. The “Wives’ Words” below are pulled from my book, however, moving forward I will continue to interview more wives who can share some of their experiences with you. If you have any questions that you would like answered please do let me know.

What did you expect the first year of marriage to be like?

“I thought the first year was supposed to be the ‘honeymoon’ phase where everything was lovey-dovey. The honeymoon phase ended after the honeymoon!” —Nancy, married two years

“I thought the first year would be no different than living together. NOT TRUE. Marriage is a living institution and you have no idea what to expect until you are in it.” —Rachel, married 12 years

“I expected it to be good and bad because each relationship goes through phases. I honestly didn't expect it to be as rough as it was though the first year. … I was looking for more of a ‘fairy tale’ type first year and that was very unrealistic.” —Monica, married three years

“I thought we would have a lot more fun than we actually did. It was work from the start.” —Hope, married 14 years

“I knew that the first year of marriage would be filled with fun moments and hard adjustments. I was wise enough to know that it would be a time of testing but foolish enough to believe that I could endure it.” —Angela, married 16 years

“I expected my marriage to be very easy. My husband and I dated for five years prior to getting married and lived together most of that time, so I thought being married was going to be a breeze. Whoever said if you live with a person, if you marry them things would be the same…not so.” —Quisa, married 1 year

“I thought we would instantly have this solid partnership/marriage because we communicated very well. We eventually built a solid partnership/marriage, but it took much work and continues to take more work than I ever thought it would.” —Ndidi, married six years

Winks & Smiles,

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Changing Your Name? Check Out This Free Site.

Are you taking your husband’s last name? If so, there’s some paperwork that needs to be done to make it official. I know, I know, paperwork sucks, but the folks over at are doing their best to make it easy for you. And did I mention it’s free? The site features downloadable forms, checklists, tips to keep it simple and much more.

When I got married I navigated through the process myself. I would’ve loved to have something like this to help me save time and energy that I could’ve focused somewhere else – like on my husband.

If you check the site out and find it helpful please do let me know. I’d love to hear and share your feedback with other new wives.

Winks & Smiles,

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Interesting Sex Facts or … Fiction

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex. This week I could use a little mindless humor. I stumbled across this website of interesting facts and thought that I’d share a few of the sex ones with you.

Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate. Is that why I get so excited over a good piece of … chocolate?

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds. No, really? I thought it was 5.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Monday, August 11, 2008

Don’t Harp on Silly Stuff

It’s Marriage Monday at The Newlywed Life, when I write about the magic, the mayhem and how to create or avoid them. This morning I’m sharing some advice out of my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now?, that is guaranteed, gasp! - yes, I said guaranteed - to help you avoid the mayhem if you follow it.

Don’t harp on silly stuff.

Yes it really is that simple. Who cares if the toilet seat is up or down, or if the cap is on the toothpaste? Get a grip, or your own toothpaste, and let the gripe go!

It’s so cliché to even address some of these stereotypical gripes, so I’ll be really brief. Life is too short to give the toilet seat so much of your precious time. Once you get into your marriage, you’ll realize that there are bigger fish to fry, hills to climb, battles to pick (since I’m being cliché, why not go there?), and that it really doesn’t make much difference if he lowers the toilet seat or not. The following is probably the simplest piece of advice that I can give: if you go to use the bathroom and he left the toilet seat up…put it down.

It used to drive me crazy when Husband would come home from work, step out of his pants, and leave them on the floor of our walk-in closet. I just knew it was the end of the free world. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell him to pick his pants up without sounding like a nag. Then I stopped thinking about me, me, me and I put myself in his shoes, or in this case his pants. OK, but seriously, I thought about how he might feel. Maybe it would drive him crazy that he can’t step out of his pants and leave them on the floor. After all, it is his closet, too. His house, too. If he can’t leave his pants on the floor of his closet in his house, where else could he possibly have the freedom to leave them?

After thinking about it like that, his pants on the floor suddenly didn’t seem so serious. Most of the time, I don’t even notice his pants anymore. If I see them on the floor and feel the need, I pick them up and drop them in the hamper. If not, after a day or two – amazingly, he picks them up himself.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Is Erotica Still Taboo?

It’s Hump Day at The Newlywed Life, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Several months ago I wrote this post about women watching porn and the stigma that goes with it. It stemmed from an article that I read in O, The Oprah Magazine. Well, good old Oprah is inspiring me again, this time from her television show, specifically the one she aired on Monday about sex.

Come on over to Wifey’s House to read more…

Monday, August 4, 2008

Don’t Take Your Husband For Granted

You’ve got him now. Your husband, plus a sparkly new ring, his last name and the image of him tearfully pledging his undying love for you on a nicely packaged DVD that you can watch over and over with the simple click of a button. In addition, knowing that you two are bound together for the rest of your lives should be comforting. But don’t cross the line from being comfortable to being complacent.

Just because you signed a marriage license, it doesn’t give you license to take him for granted. When you live together day in and day out, it’s very easy to get used to some of the things your husband may do for you. To expect him to do things and become unappreciative as though he has to do them can be extremely detrimental to your marriage.

There’s no law saying that your husband has to call you if he is going to be home late from work. Should he? Yes, but does he have to? No. Your husband did not vow to put air in your ties when they are low or pledge to be the resident bug killer, but chances are he does these things anyway. They might seem small and easy to overlook, but they are some of the best perks about having a husband and living together.

Next time your husband takes your car and comes back with an oil change, stop and appreciate it. Whatever nice thing your husband may do, acknowledge it by thanking him and recognize how sweet it is.

Remember when you two were dating and he went that extra mile? It gave you that warm and fuzzy feeling when he sent flowers, planned surprise dinners or gave you that special gift. I’m not going to lie; very few husbands keep these things up on a regular basis. Flowers start to come less frequently – on Valentine’s Day, your birthday or if he’s really in the doghouse. Surprises might dwindle, too, and the special gifts… well, those come in different packages. Instead of the Tiffany charm bracelet, you get your computer software updated. Or your car washed and waxed after a rainy day. Or even better, you have a shoulder to cuddle up on after a heart-tugging episode of Law and Order. These may be your warm and fuzzy moments now. Appreciate whatever special little things your husband does to take care of you and know that it’s one of the many ways he may show his love for you.

And remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out.

Winks & Smiles,